Covid 19 and Me
I cannot tell you what its like to get the virus because I was lucky enough not to get it yet. I can tell you how it has affected me. What it feels like to have a friend call and tell me her husband just died, and not be able to console her. To not to be able to just hop on a plane and go see her while she is in pain and grieves alone. Listening to her share with me how she could not even say goodbye or visit him while he was dying. Or when a family member calls to tell me she has the virus and is quarantined to her room for weeks to protect her roommates. She is having meltdowns from the isolation and all I can do is listen on face time and cry together. When what she really wants, and needs is a hug from her aunt. I know how my heart stops a beat when I read three people jumped off the bridge that I have full view of from my apartment in two weeks during this time. Reading this while I have my coffee and try to wrap my head around being at that point of despair.
I can tell you what is keeping me sane during this time. I have stopped watching the news, if something big changes, someone will let me know. Listening to all the press conferences just gave me anxiety and kept me in fear to a point I did not want to leave home. That I have access to zoom and can join communities to discuss the pros and cons of this experience and be reminded I am not alone, and we are here to support each other even from afar. I can be grateful for having food in my fridge and do not have to wait on a food line for hours to find out there is nothing left for me or my family that day.
They make movies about times like these, it is not supposed to be a reality. Nurses and doctors are not supposed to be at the forefront of the war with this invisible enemy that is taking lives daily. We are social creatures who need to be kissed, hugged, and have our hands held. We are supposed to be able to visit our sick friends and family and bring joy to the elderly. We do our best by creating parades of cars with music blasting and signs for birthdays. We go up to the windows of our family’s homes and match our hands to feel what we can through the pane of glass. We wait, for someone to tell us it is okay to go back to normal or what will be the new normal.
Every night a woman across the street from me goes to the corner at 7PM and hoots and howls thank you for all the emergency and medical workers of NY and everywhere. Cars and trucks go by and hit their horns in support and sometimes others join her on the other corners. She is a reminder to me of what is important right now. You are! You matter to me because when this over if you are not there who will hug me? Who will hold my hand? Who will let me know I matter? Isn’t that what we all really want in life, to matter to just one more person? I hope you know this was written for you!